Just Sleepy Baby…

Oct 12,09. Sorry just feel very tired  last night so I did not post anything. It’s maybe because I focused working yesterday, I got my tasks mounted. So by now, half,lol Nothing new except the fact that I am eager to get back to a healthy me. I really wanted to get back to my works, my daily chores, my hobbies. I just realized that if I did those things happened, it wasn’t me that would be happy for myself but everybody around me.

It’s Barce’s birthday and to be honest, I feel sad for him. He was expecting his wife to chat with her after lunch, he even asked me to help him how to, and I allowed him to use my lappy just to talk with her wife but to my my surprise…his wife failed him. I saw his sadness though he’s hiding it. His wife didn’t make chat with him,knowing that it was her day off there in abroad, and her reason is, she’s strolling with her cousin. Hello??? I was hurt because Barce’s my friend, I know how he miss his wife and baby. First, he didn’t make to pick his baby at Baguio because of transportation problem because of the typhoons. He felt incomplete I know, I can feel his pain. So what we did is I let him watch videos, anything he wanted to see and watch, just to cover his emptiness. I just sat behind him, I am reading a book and assisting him on how to play,this and that while he was watching. I feel sorry for him and I know how he feels, I felt that thing many times…When he got home, he let us know, and what he did was just stayed at his room, day dreaming, maybe he thinks of what should he do, what did he do or is there anything he should do to overcome his emptiness. We texted him, saying good words of encouragements, happiness,funny thoughts and we hope feels fine.

There are things that boys should know and girls should know too in order to maintain a good relationship… I’ll try posting it up here, the things I experienced and stuffs about love.

I ate dinner and at 7 pm, I am laying on my bed, I didn’t even noticed that I took a nap, just awake when Gel entered the room. STood up, wash face and toothbrush and back to sleep again. I am too sleepy last night. I miss you Jon…2 months there yesterday baby!Always pray.Keep safe!

Add a comment October 13, 2009

Numb…

I woke today having headaches, it’s because of my period. I woke up early to watch news, exercise somehow but I can’t, I don’t feel good. I updated my last two days post early this morning and I hope I shared them well. I tried to eat well but I can’t,  I don’t know but I don’t feel fine, I don’t know why. I was too lazy today, The whole day,my table was  so messy, it was so not pleasant to see. I just stare at my corner, and wanted to clean them but I really can’t, I took a nap instead. I don’t know but I tried thinking of Jon now, if it’s true that it’s possible for them to have someone to be their love stuff partner there, will he try to be with someone,or is he with someone now…=(

I tried thinking of my future without him, I even tried looking for someone to talk to, but even if I talk to someone, it’s still him I look and want to be with. I love Jon but if he’s going to hurt me after all this time, I hope he would tell me or let me know as soon as possible…though it hurts me too much. To be honest, until we meet again, my mind and heart stays blank and hurting. I don’t know, I just want to be numb now just to surpass my days pleasing myself that it is me he loves, it is me he thinks of, that it is me he will look after his training.

I gave Barce his gift, it’s his birthday tomorrow. Actually it’s not a gift but a reward maybe, for his time driving for us and for talking and advising me all the while. Well…I wish him luck in raising his family.,I hope he could pick his baby in Baguio as soon as possible…so that he can spend time with him. He used to be a brother to us, that’s why care and treat him as a family.

Jon, I hope you can see me in your dreams, I hope tonight my worries would all gone, let me know how are you there and how do you feel. Is it still me? Pray always, I miss you…

Add a comment October 11, 2009

Trying to be fine…

I tried to sleep last night. Today,Oct.10,09, I tried doing my stuffs properly, trying to be worry-free and I hope I did it. This day is a happy day, I have my family talking here at the kitchen,making funny talks, until we decided to go out, malling, it’s very ofeten that Jaz is here.(my sister, next to me, a Stewardess[Zest Airlines]). She’s most of the time on flights and by next month I think, they’ll be based to Cebu, not sure but she asked me to hang out with her yesterday so that we can spend her off together. We enjoyed. As usual, Barce, our friend and brother to us drive for us, it was a happy day though there were times that Jon suddenly comes to my mind, the I become sad and blank for a while. I don’t know if they see that but Barce noticed. He keeps talking to me maybe he knows I am thinking of something. I talked to him as if we’ve known for each other for a long time. He tells me things about his wife and his baby. But he never tried asking about Jon, maybe because he knows what I am thinking, and thanks to him.

It was tired day yesterday but it was a happy one. I miss you Jon…

Add a comment October 11, 2009

I Love You…Thanks?

In my dream, Oct.9,09, I told Jon that I love him but it was my surprised when he answered me “Thanks!”. What was that answer mean? Was it for thanks for everything? Thanks for I always support him? Thanks for I love him? Thanks for we are done? That dream was too painful for me, I woke up with tears falling from my eyes. I was so glad that I have him in my dream, he was with me now, I said, he even hold my hands tight but when I told him that thing, I can’t deny the fact that I mean it but he answers me a word that until now is bothering me. I know it’s just a dream but dreams for me are important, I sometimes base my dreams on things going to happen.Swear. I’ll post my dreams here later and see if all of these were just coincidence.

I did not work that day but I checked my mails, organized the things I will work for Monday and just listen to music I usually play. I didn’t even post anything that day because of my day started with a confusion and hurting, so I tried texting,talking to  friend, consulting my dream and asking if I have to worry or what. Until now, my heart is crying though you see me smile.

I haven’t slept these past three days and I just pray to surpass these all… We’ll talk soon Jon…I miss you.

Add a comment October 11, 2009

I didn’t mean it…

Woke up early today, same routine, and the only  different thing is the text message from the person who I didn’t mean to hurt days ago…I was a little at peace now he texted saying good morning, asking if  I am fine. I responded at his message saying I’m good and take care of himself always, and it stopped there. No more nexts. I ate egg pie at my breakfast, I remember Jon while I was eating,he used to buy 3-5 egg pie a day, and we ate them all in a day followed by full blast of water,lol I miss you baby so much, I hope you miss me the way I do. I worked today and learned again, I have my list of backlink sites again and I started doing them a while ago.

I had a friend who happens to have a wife and baby daughter. He loved them but they were all apart, he and Her wife were working in a mile distances. Even their child is living miles from them. So I wonder how could they do live without their touches everyday, is it possible to live for a man to live away from her wife without looking for his needs. Is it possible for a wife to live without searching for a touch and care she needs. What if the wife finds a man who cares for her in simple ways, what if the man does too? I mean, is it a sin if you just talk, know each other and nothing beyond that. I make friends with married old friends and classmates but we’re all ok and fine but why this new friend of mine is too problematic regarding about this? I think it’s not his problem, it’s his wife. Jealous,suspicious and maybe insecure, that was I think she is but who knows, it’s just what I think. Maybe we’ll meet soon. Poor friend, thinking too much, don’t worry, I’m here, you’re nice to me, so it’s not a big thing if I gave you advices. That’s the only thing I can give.

It’s night again, my tummy’s not good again, and I hope God will hear my prayers… I love you Jon, I  miss you… God bless us baby.Pray always huh. mmmwaahhhh!

Add a comment October 8, 2009

This is the right thing…

Good day though a little irritable with my tummy. I woke up really lazy but I turned myself focuusing on my tasks today. I read my daily book, ate breakfast and exercised but not as yesterday. I slow down today, if I’ll continue working it out, I might not work because of muscle pain I might have. I worked today and it’s nice to be back. I am expecting a text message from someone today but I think he doesn’t want to text me because of what I did. I rejected him and I did that because that’s the right thing to do. If that’s what he wants, that was fine for me as long as he moves on…and don’t bother me.

I miss Jon and I can’t stop my tears to fall but I have to calm myself for me to breathe well. I hope you’re fine baby, I love you, pray huh, God bless us, misssssss youuuu soooooo muchhhhhh! mwahhhhh! nytie baby,mwah!

Add a comment October 7, 2009

“I Miss You Day”

Just woke up and stretched! Read my daily book and took a sit at the single sofa beside my table.  I am staring at my laptop, wishing I can use my two hands touching every keys of it. I stare at my dumbbells hoping it can give me back my arms and shoulders strength. I played a music and “Awit Ng Barkada” played. I remember my friends, everything about them and I can still recall how I jam and mingle with them,and now it’s impossible to happen again. I looked outside and I see students walking on our street, talking and well prepared, I remember myself that prepared during my school days. They carry their bags properly, their hair were comb and styled, they walk fast and no worries… unlike me now, I have to choose a bag that is light and easy for me to carry, I need someone to style and comb my hair, I need to walk slowly so I won’t get tired fast, I need someone beside me when I walk. I am not allowed to be alone in whatever I do. I MISS EVERYTHING IN ME. I miss my strength, I miss my life, I miss Jon.

I can’t concentrate working today but I did somehow and tomorrow is the day I will start work and focus again, I owe my boss a lot and my honesty and working are the only way I can pay. I ate 4 times today, take note, all rice meals! I feel full today and I hope I can easily gain weight in spite of everything. I felt something unusual again in my tummy, the stinging thing,as if something’s pinning my tummy, it is on/off. I just continue my meds and hardly pray. I know if God let these things to happen to me, He has His purposes and I am willfully accept everything he wants me to serve Him. I love my family and I can’t deny that fact they were really affected if I feel something wrong. Fortunately, Lord hears my prayers, I can feel that He heals me and He will never fail us if we try coming back to Him.

It rains again, it’s cold and windy, I hope all the people asking for God’s help is answered but they have to help themselves first to succeed. Like I am doing now, I maintain exercising, waking up early, eating healthy foods to have a healthy body and somehow regain my lost, added factor is a belief of God’s watching over me and He was guiding me all day. I know and believe, one of these days, God will bring me back my upper body strength and I know He will.

After this, I hope I’ll have a good night sleep, Good night baby, I miss you so much today and I hope you think of me too somehow. God bless us, Pray huh. I love and miss you…mmmwwwaaahhh!

Add a comment October 6, 2009

Right Or Wrong?

Why I can’t breathe well last night? Is it I just have colds, just humid or one of loved ones was in danger or not fine…whew…I hope it’s just my colds. But hen I had a good sleep. I woke up with a goal from this day.  I will take my vitamins regularly,I bought my exercise gadgets and I started using them so maybe tomorrow I will feel the pain… I wish I had my baby caring for me last night, I miss your care and love Jon, I really do. I hope I did the right thing, I turned down someone who wants to get close to me. He wants to get close to me,it’s fine but I think it’s beyond being friends is he wants. Ahm, he has wife and a child while I am stick to Jon. I mean, I feel sorry because I hurt him but it’s the nicest and right thing I should do. I am wondering now, will he still wants to be a friend of mine especially he’s a family friend now, what and how will we act then when we see each other here at the house again. Should I talk to him or say at least “hi” or “hello”. I feel sad because I thought I really had a friend that I could count on these days, he even makes me stronger when he says Jon is fine there and pushing me to exercises for my surprise to Jon…at least a little improvement…maybe that’s what he meant. I appreciate everything he does for us and his advices and encouragements. I felt bad today but I am free from guilt and worry.

We went to Bulacan again,we drop Tita and the baby back again there, they have new room rented. We gave them all they need,houseneeds, and I can see Tita’s happiness and shyness at the same time. I include my second salary souvenir to them, I asked my self now if it’s right that I gave them that, and it peacefully calms my mind, seeing Tita smiling, they have no source of fan or any wind for the baby. My fan could help and it was my pleasure. I don’t have an idea that Mama will include one and first snoopy stuff to them too. That was from an old boyriend way back. It means nothing to me but since I am collecting snoopy stuffs, a question cross my mind again, should I get it back or it’s to awkward if I do. I did not do anything but say bye to my snoopy pillow, I know it can help Nicole(the baby) from edges, she scrolls and rolls  too much!

I had this day busy but I know I helped out a lot, it’s so happy and enjoying day for me. It’s night again,time to rest, new day for tomorrow, I love you baby,I miss you, sleeptight,keep safe huh…I love you…Always pray, mwah!God bless us!

Add a comment October 5, 2009

Sister’s day,LOL

We slept almost 12am last night,laughing,telling funny things and thoughts. We spent the whole day making stories,taking pictures and joking funny stuffs. It’s nice that we bond today! I gave mama a present, I called the sewing machine technician,well my budget is just 1thousand, and my surprised! When they finished fixing everything,I learned that all I’m going to pay is almost 3 thousand!!!LOL Well that’s ok, I am happy sharing what I have and as long as I see Mama happy. She now can sew our ripped pants and dresses easily.

I called momyow and she said, Lt.Santos gave the money and ointment to Dj, and I hope he’ll gave it to Jon…I know he needs it. I am missing him and I just put myself into busy things to get rid of thinking of him.

It’s night again and days are getting fast, I can’t wait to see you again.I love you baby…I miss you so much…Always pray huh like we always do. God bless us…Ayabu…

Add a comment October 4, 2009

Care For Others…

I had my salary today and it suprised me, my employer gave me an additional amount to help my relatives in need. Now I understand why he succeeds and lives happily, it’s because money doesn’t count on him. He shares what he can without any doubt and it inspires me. I decided to share almost 3/4 of my salary to my family needs. I felt light and peaceful hearted this day. It’s so amazing how you see your loved ones appreciate and see them happy when you gave them your hand.

I then asked God, if I care for them so much, would they do the same thing too to me? Today, I cannot say that I am fine, I find my tummy aches again,it feels like something’s pinning my abdomen and gone. I feel dizzy and tired though I don’t do things that much today. I think it’s because my period is coming,and it’s normal. I asked God why do I have to feel these such pains but then I can’t find my answers yet, maybe later or soon. I know I am not perfect, sometimes I lie,white lies. Sometimes I think bad and didn’t mean to say bad words but I am eager and begging God to listen and shower me His blessings and answer my prayers.

I know one day,in a minute or at this very moment I will get feel fine. Free from aches and getting stronger and better. I believe in Him. I asked Jaz this late afternoon if she can try to look for a thera-band and dumbbell,those are the things I am longing to buy and own because it will help a lot  for my upper body exercises. I am eager to be better so that I can make Jon happy, my parents and at the same time, I can do  things well slowly. I miss doing the things I used to do and I know,sooner or later I can do those again.Just focus and determination.

After this, I’ll sleep,and relax myself and my mind from all the pressures and tensions. I can make it. I will baby. I love you so much, when we see each other again, we’ll be better again and we’ll stick together more. Hold tight baby, keep safe there. Always pray.I love and miss you…mmmwahh!God bless…

Add a comment October 3, 2009